I’ve always been attracted to the idea of ”finding” oneself. Yoga, backpacking, remote locations, deep conversations, the list is endless. If it can somehow contribute to growth and understanding, I will probably want to try it.
So when a friend told me about a place called Plum Village in the south of France, where people went to live with monks and meditate and just be in nature I immediately felt the need to go there. Fittingly enough, there happened to be a 5-day retreat in Italian in the weeks I would be able to go, and taking this a divine sign, I signed my self up. As usual, the excitement lasted until there was about a week left, then the worry came knocking. Traveling always has an element of fear in it, however small it may be. It’s a paradox. This worry, its scary, but I also welcome it. I think it’s good to feel scared sometimes because it usually means there is a change happening, or something that isn’t part of our daily routines. If you’ve never traveled before, the idea of an unknown place might be frightening. If you have traveled a lot, as I have and are used to exploring and keeping busy all day long, going somewhere where time appeared to stand still made me a bit uneasy.
I have never tried anything like this before. The closest I have ever come to meditation are those 5 minutes in the beginning of a yoga class when we are told to concentrate on our breathing and event then, my mind tends to wander in about a thousand different directions. How could I possibly survive hours of it? I’m not proud of admitting it but prejudice was seeping in to my mind like venom; what if everybody is a lot older than me? What if there’s a cult like feeling there? What if everybody only wears white and talks in monotonic voices about peace and love? Who is going to come to my rescue when I can’t even find the location I’m going to on a map? I am terrified. I’m in Bordeaux, alone at a beautiful hotel.
"And I am scared."
Tomorrow at 13.30 I’m supposed to take the train from Bordeaux to Sainte foy la Grande, and at this point, I’m not sure I want to be on it.
Welcome to Wildflowers & Wayfarers. A travel blog sharing adventures abroad from all corners of the world.
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